While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
