I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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