U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize