Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He shit in the fireplace
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
