Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
