i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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