bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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