you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
