No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This baby is an asshole
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
