My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
