So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
