Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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