So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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