she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need a beard to bite.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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