what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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