im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
