I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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