no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
