; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
