Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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