I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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