so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
