when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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