She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
