Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize