I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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