the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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