I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
