I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
