He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
