where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
