My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
