xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
