I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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