shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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