We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
