We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
