a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
