I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize