Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You ruined the universe
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
