Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
