about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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