her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
