The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
