In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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