He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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