apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
