The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
