so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
