Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
