I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
