i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You don't make any sense
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