when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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