Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
