can we get nightvision for the apartment?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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