Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
