You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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