Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
