Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
