I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
