Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
