where does the pee come out of this thing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
