We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
