she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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