I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
