its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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