Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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