that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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