If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
