dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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