I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
