dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
