what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
