My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
