Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
