Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
