I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
