why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
