Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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